A little while back I listed a bunch of things that I thought would be better than the Sainsbury’s bakery brownies. One of them actually has the word “brownie” in it, but it’s not a brownie. It’s a brownie milkshake.
Yeah, ok, so this obviously isn’t really a brownie. Let’s use this post as a thin excuse to talk about some of my behind-the-scenes brownie rules that have gone unspoken so far, but which are sort of pertinent to this particular, erm, ‘brownie’.
First up, I’ve been deliberately trying to space out brownie posts, by doing one a day at most. I’ve also been aiming to actually do one a day, but I’ve not worried too much if circumstances haven’t allowed it, and I’m only going to get antsy if circumstances start to threaten really large gaps between posts (hence why I put in the effort to get Tesco brownies). Also, partly related, I’m making an effort for the sake of my health to not buy myself desserts and sweet things unless I can blog about them here (things would start to get crazy otherwise!) And naturally I’m blogging about brownies. I’m not going to write a blog post about a coffee cake or an oatmeal cookie.
Does that mean that this milkshake’s breaking my rules? Well… I don’t think so. It’s laying claim to some element of brownie nature and so I think it can be judged against my criteria. Never mind that I’m pretty sure it’s actually just fudge flavour and the word ‘brownie’ has been added to make it seem more involved. It’s not actually a brownie and that will be taken into account both in the scoring and in the categorisation.
Other rules! I’m trying to keep branding out of the photos, which is why the milkshake up above is photographed in a glass and not in the super-branded bottle it came in. It’s my intention to review a different brownie in every post, so that there won’t be repeats (note: this is not quite the same as saying I will never repeat myself with brownies). And without laying the actual thinking and numbers bare, I will admit that there is some ‘grading on a curve’ in certain areas, especially when it comes to the category a brownie sits in. For example, in terms of Value, I’m sure I would be quite accepting of a restaurant brownie that costs £7, but an equivalent brownie in a coffee shop would need to… not cost £7.
Crucially, I don’t want this blog to end up shitting on people who’ve hand-made brownies to their best of their ability. Which is something I’ve been thinking about after today’s pretty crappy brownie! I feel alright going on a tear about how bad the Sainsbury’s brownie was. The Chocofruit one was a little more complicated. I want to judge brownies honestly but I also respect the effort that’s gone into handmade brownies. I could just use the Fudge Factor area for this, but I don’t want that to become a simple +5 for handmade, -5 for crappy supermarket. Where am I going with this, you wonder? Not sure. Let’s judge a milkshake as if it were a brownie.
Taste: I’ve heard a lot of complaints before that the fudge brownie flavour is too sweet, but I actually think it’s about right for a milkshake. It did start to get a little too much by the bottom of the glass. 7/10
Texture: “Shake thoroughly before opening” it always says on the bottle. This is good advice as it mixes air bubbles into the shake and makes it feel thicker and creamier! 7/10
Presentation: There isn’t really any presentation to speak of. It comes in a white plastic bottle with a whole bunch of branding on a plastic sleeve. 1/5
Value: I erroneously implied in my Sainsbury’s post that this bottle (400ml of milkshake) could have been purchased for £1. It turns out that unless there is an offer on, the price currently stands at £1.15. Gasp! I reckon this completely changes the value, but I’m not going to say how. Basically, it’s pretty good value for a tasty milkshake. 6/10
Fudge Factor: This is not a brownie. Sorry, I don’t make the rules. Wait, no I do! -5/5
Should I Buy And Eat This Brownie?
Not a brownie, and you can’t eat it. But sure, treat yourself!
Ok, now that I’ve proven the point that this deserves a higher score than the Sainsbury’s brownie (or the Chocofruit brownie for that matter), let’s move on from this and not speak of it again. And no, I’m not adding the picture to the main page picture rotation.